The Style section of The Washington Post runs a weekly humor contest called the “Style Invitational.” (www.washingtonpost.com) Each week is a new challenge. One of the most famous is neologisms create new words). The instructions: Alter any word by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; then supply a new definition. Here are some winners:
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter whenn they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
NEW DEFINITIONS: Alternate meanings to real words.
2. flabbergasted (adj.): appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly (adj.): impotent.
6. negligent (adj.): absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.